Sophie has arrived!

I'm not much for hype when it comes to toys, clothes, etc. I've heard about Sophie for a while now and it seems like everyone buys one for their baby. All babies are different and my wild thing may not need a Sophie. Heck, I didn't really even know what she was. (She's a natural rubber giraffe with a squeaker.)

A few weeks ago, when we were on vacation, Max was introduced to Sophie. He loved it! He was immediately sucking on her head and ears. I resolved to buy one and here she is.

I figured that, as soon as I gave it to him, he would be disinterested and toss it aside. I lucked out! He went to sucking on her head immediately, laughed at her little squeaker, and squeaked her all by himself. It's the little things, I guess.

Identity blocked to protect the naked. ;)

While I don't recommend buying toys for baby because everyone else is, sometimes the reason they are all buying it is because it is awesome. I have another crazy toy on the way, we'll see if he likes it as much. Fingers crossed! I love watching him explore the things around him. At the moment, he explores everything with his mouth. That's the life of a two-teether.

A little healing, A little hurting

I want to take a brief moment to mention that life is sometimes emotional and hard. I'm so thankful for the mamas that I have met since I lost my cowboy. Women who are real with me (they've been there or they act normally when I tell them he is gone) are the best. I can't stand that look of pity that some people get. I know they can't help it and don't know what else to do.

This past weekend, I met a woman who was asking about my kids because my wild thing was there with me. I told her and she looked me straight in the face and said, "Tell me. What happened?" It was beautiful! I told her. It wasn't awkward. It didn't hurt to tell his story to someone who wasn't afraid of it. I'm proud to talk about my cowboy to people who are interested in knowing about him. He was the best kid ever and he brought so much joy to people. Why should I feel awkward that he died? Why should my misfortune and people's discomfort make me lie about how many kids I have?

I was having this conversation today at the radiothon for the local children's hospital where my cowboy was treated. The other woman, a cancer mama, whose daughter also lost her battle, said she has gotten to the point where she hates meeting new people. I'm socially awkward as it is and feelings like this make it so much worse. Normal chit-chat is filled with landmines for people like us.

How many kids do you have?
How old are they?
Do your other children like the new baby?

I can stand there looking at them confused and saying, "Umm." Tell the truth. And getthe pitying look. Or lie. Lying feels like sacrilege. A disservice to the life that he had. Sometimes it's easier and stops the conversation in it's tracks. "No, I don't have any other children."

My point is, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who gets it and can practically finish your sentences because they have felt exactly the same way. Neither of us wants to have learned the things we did, had our hearts broken, or lost the most precious thing in the world to us. It's nice to have someone there with me now.

Several years after my cowboy's death, a friend of mine said, "You're not the only one who's ever lost a child." I didn't say anything at the time. To her, I would say, "No, but I'm the only one who's lost my child. That means no one can say when or how my healing process will happen." Some days, like today, I get to feel normal and a little like I'm not alone in feeling that exact thing.

So glad I get a chance to see mamas each year at the KFRG radiothon. It should be way more often.

We Talked About Chlamydia

Yes, I mean my wild thing and I. It was simple, really. He found his wee (penis). And I started talking to him about how it was for peepee now, but would be for sexy time when he was older.

Next thing you know I'm telling him he should wait until he finds someone he loves and not to waste it on some gross, slutty girl. Gross, slutty girls lead to chlamydia. And who wants chlamydia? Not my wild thing, that's for sure. Because if he came home with chlamydia mommy would laugh at him for sticking his wee where it doesn't belong (in some janky ass, slutty chick with chlamydia) after she got him help. The slutty chick is not getting him help; mommy is...in case you were confused.

I'm having this conversation with my 5-month-old in a high baby-talkish voice and he's cooing right back at me. I didn't go into the dangers of other STDs. Why cross a line in weird conversations, right? Maybe next time.

At least he'll never be able to say we weren't open with him about sex.

Formula-fed Doctor??

I just read this article about a doctor-to-be who was formula-fed. Say it isn't so! We all know that the research tells us breast is best. Who does this guy think he is? I know I don't want a dumber doctor. It's like that saying, "A doctor with C grades is still a doctor."

Ok, I'm totally kidding. My cowboy was formula-fed and a little smarty pants. There are people who act this way. While there are many things we shouldn't do as parents, so much is up for interpretation.

Home or hospital birth? Breast or bottle? Formula or breastmilk? Pacifier or thumb? Crib or co-sleeping? [Side note: Someone recently said that co-sleeping is a "fancy" word for sleeping together. It's not fancy. That's what co means. Lol.] Work or stay-at-home?

These nuances of parenting make little differences in babies. It's really about what works best for each baby.

Your baby won't be irreparably damaged if they are in the NICU getting formula and never nurse. (On my soapbox, I will say they will be better off if they can get any breast milk.)

Your baby won't be made fun of for having the paci that soothes them, if you don't let them take it to high school.

Your baby probably won't be co-sleeping by the time they want to have a slumber party. They will branch out when they are ready.

Here's a few examples of things that I will judge you for. (READ: Things you shouldn't do as a parent!)

DON'T let your toddler stand on a lawn chair above a flaming bbq...alone...holding a spatula. (Yes, this really happened.)

DON'T hit your child while yelling at them, "We don't hit." (Mixed messages people. AND it doesn't teach them anything.)

DON'T leave your infant/toddler at home to fend for themself while you hit the night club. (Duh!)

Oh, the article that I read that started this whole awesome tirade...you can find it here. This is funny stuff.

http://www.babble.com/baby/formula-fed-baby-enters-medical-school-satire/

Anxiety- Inducing Massage

I haven't gotten a massage in about six months. (I'm not whining. It was my choice, but I need them to keep the tension headaches at bay.) My wild thing is almost five months old and I was out on bedrest at 34 weeks. So, it's been a while.

For months hubs has been telling me to make an appointment and he will watch my wild thing. In theory that sounds totally reasonable; in practice, not so much. All of these terrible feelings coursed through my body when we talked about it, but I finally made an appointment and worked out a system with hubs. He and wild thing would come to the massage place and wait while I got my massage. Side note: I call it a massage parlor but hubs says that sounds too much like one of those places where the "happy ending" service is offered.

Anyway, in my mind I thought that this way he could get me if I was needed and it got rid of the anxiety about walking out the door and leaving him. No, I'm not dumb enough to think that he would actually come and interrupt my massage for me to deal with the crying baby. It eased my mind though.

The day before and morning of, I was a little freaked out. I also sat looking at wild thing a little more longingly than normal...remembering each detail of him. I know this sounds a little over the top. Just remember that this is the first time I've left him and if I'm not there I can't protect him. I don't know what I'm always protecting him from, but the world is filled with dangers.

Having my wild thing after losing my cowboy is sometimes terrifying. At times, things are so scary...poised to take him from me at any moment. Other times, I'm just a normal mommy changing poopy and keeping the milk flowing. I'm not sure how to balance my fear yet. Things (bigger things than an hour massage) are coming to us soon. I will have to let him go. I will have to leave him somehwere I am not.

Until then, an hour massage is just the right amount of risk. Lol. They asked me if I would to schedule an hour and a half or two hour massage since I had so many saved up. I laughed at them. ;) You wouldn't want to leave this little guy either, I think!

DIY Elmo Cake & Cupcakes

My nephew's second birthday was this weekend. It was cute with lots of DIY touches that my sister did. There was lots of Cricut use and a homemade Elmo cake stand. If you don't know what a Cricut is, you are obviously not a crafter or scrapbooker. It's a machine that cuts out all kinds of cute shapes and letters.

I, somehow, ended up with the cake tasks. Somehow means I offered to help (being polite) and my sister hands me this whole cake decorating kit. I'm like, " Wtf am I going to do with that?" I don't know how to decorate a cake. She, on the other hand, has taken several classes. Ugh!

A week or so before this I sent her some links for cute and easy Elmo cake decorating ideas. They kind of looked like cracked-out Elmos with big, spastic eyes. Using two large marshmallows on a cupcake is eye overkill and a little scary.

We modified all of the "awesome" online suggestions to make Elmo look more normal. The result was cute...until it got hot. Then the red frosting started to melt. Our formerly cute Elmos began look like an Elmo version of the Scream mask. You know, long open mouth?!?!

Note: If you are trying to get white frosting to turn a bright red color, do not, I repeat, do not use a whole squeezy bottle of food coloring. The frosting cannot handle it and maintain consistency.

After decorating 40ish cupcakes it was time for the little cake. I was terrified to try this wax paper transfer technique. But it worked like a charm. There were a few spots where I had to touch-up the line. Something I did, to make sure that the base frosting didn't peel off with the wax paper, was to frost the cake and let it sit in the fridge overnight. My sister mentioned something about a crumb coat (I think), but I didn't know what it was, let alone how to do it.

All in all the cupcakes and cake began the day looking quite cute. There was only one questionable with wonky eyes. He was good for a laugh, until they all went south. Poor Elmos!