Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be totally and completely stuck? To be competely reliant on someone else? How scary is it to trust that someone else will meet your needs?
I do whatever I can to make sure that I can meet my own needs. I try not to be reliant on anyone. That's part of why not working has been so difficult for me to handle (more on that later).
Yesterday I had a glimpse of what it feels like to be needy and trust that someone will come through. It was just a small thing, but left me feeling completely vulnerable. I was getting ready to leave for my midterm exam when I realized that I didn't have my wild thing's carseat. Our only carseat. Allen was at work 30+ miles away. I dialed him several times and began to break down.
I had no idea what to do. I don't really know our neighbors and don't have anyone close enough to rescue me. Feeling that alone and vulnerable was very scary.
Magically, he saw my call and called me back. I was nearly in tears when I answered and told him he had the seat. He left work immediately, but I continued to fret that he wouldn't make it in time and I would be out of luck. (My teacher has a hard line no no make-ups policy, unless you're dead and can prove it.) I spoke to the neighbor with a little guy. Then I got us ready and waited.
Allen came through at exactly the right minute. The neighbor remembered that she had an infant carseat tucked away in the garage. She brought it over. I was saved, though I know it seems silly. You would think that the situation would make me more likely to trust in others' ability to help out. On the contrary, I want to make sure that it never happens again. Lol. It makes me fear the moment I truly need something and am alone.
Vulnerabilities are scary.
