Recently, various home and vehicle safety items have been arriving in the mail. Knowing that I have ordered these items, and wanting to be gentle with me, my husband asks, "What are you suddenly afraid of?" My answer? "Life. I'm afraid of life." I'm not even sure how to articulate my fear, except to say the world is a scary, unpredictable place. Generally, my struggle with fear runs on the back burner of my mind at a low simmer. Lately, however, it's almost all I can think about.
The internet reveals dangers on a daily basis.
Child dies of secondary drowning.
Child is strangled by minivan seat belt.
Child dies of hyperthermia when left in the car by parent.
Vaccine deaths.
Measles outbreak.
Whooping cough outbreak.
HOW CAN I PROTECT MY CHILD FROM DANGER? I'm sorry, I'm yelling. I'm out of control with worry.
If I watch my child like a hawk and take precautions will God keep him healthy, safe, and alive? Not necessarily.
Things happen..."accidents" happen.
Is leaving your child alone in the car after forgetting to drop them at daycare an accident?
Is ignoring your child as he wanders into the backyard and falls into the pool an accident?
Is your child falling out the second-story window an accident?
Here's my answer. "No!"
Only I can protect my child and, even then, there are no guarantees. Only you can protect your child. I feel like Smokey the Bear here. ("Only you can prevent forest fires.")
"How can I live like this?" you ask. I don't. Most of the time. Sometimes, like now, it gets the better of me. My need to save my child is so strong that I find myself ordering seat belt cutters, window locks, second-story window ladders, etc., etc. I worry that I will be the one to neglect my child in the moment that matters; in the moment that saves his life. I worry that something else will happen, outside of my control (as with my cowboy), and I will lose him. I will lose my baby again. I'm not sure I could live with that.
