Ways of Remebering

I haven't been to the cemetery in months. I think about it. Am I too busy? Am I not interested? Do I no longer care?

NO.

I'm busy, but not that busy.
I'm interested.
I care.
How could I not?!?!

The thing is, I think of my cowboy everyday and in most things I do. I am always comparing him to my wild thing and wondering how alike/different they are. I smile when my wild thing does something I remember my cowboy doing. Being my cowboy's mommy is the only mommy I know how to be. Now that I have my wild thing, I'm constantly adjusting the mommy I was to the mommy of both of my boys.

My wild thing is so much more adventurous than my cowboy was. He's fearless when it comes to so many things. He climbs the stairs and loves the horses and chickens. I remember when my cowboy was around horses when he was little. He held tight to my dad or I, a little fearful of the big animals. The first time I showed my wild thing the horses, their big horsey heads came up and sniffed him. He just sat there, fascinated.

Holidays come and go and people always ask me if I visited my cowboy. I guess, I'm getting to the point where I don't feel the need to visit him when I'm always thinking of him. I used to feel very guilty about that, but he's just becoming a part of me in a different way.