I think honesty is important. Honesty about the reality of life is often difficult. In my experiences, I know that honesty about childhood cancer and death can make life awkward and lonely. People don't want to think about the possibility that <b>their</b> child could get sick…that <b>their</b> child could be gone. And I don't blame them. I don't want to be the person it happens to either.
I am trying to be honest about the illness and death of my cowboy. The six months we spent fighting his illness (through brain surgeries, chemotherapy, hospital stays, and physical therapy) will never eclipse the three and a half years leading up to it. The good times will <b>never</b> overshadow the "bad".
I wonder how it would make my children feel to know the things that I share and the intimate moments of our life that I tell the world. I just wonder how my cowboy would feel about me telling everyone about our life...or even how my wild thing will feel (someday) about my feelings. Will he resent me for loving my cowboy so much and wondering if I'd love him?
I recently read an article about this conundrum.
While I don't feel I'm in competition with the other blogs out there I want to guard myself and my children against a future full of resentment and hurt feelings because of something I said. Don't we all want that as mothers? Whether we blog or talk to our girlfriends, shouldn't we be mindful of the way we talk about our family?
I often have thoughts about that myself. It's hard. I too wonder about resentment, but with each child we are at a different stage in our lives and each experience is different. It's natural with each new child to wonder about loving them as much or the same as you love the other one(s). I think we have a never ending love for each child and that will never change, but the way we love them and interact with them might change for each child depending on their needs/personality. For example: One kid is a cuddler and loves to cuddle all day long, but the other loves to read books with you and talk. The love is the same, but the interaction is different. I also think reaching out to other mothers about certain parenting issues or concerns helps us feel like we are not alone in whatever we are dealing with. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, honest post, Lindsey. Love the theme of "my cowboy and wild thing".
ReplyDeleteRegarding your question ... I, for one, am a great fan of the truth-tellers in life. I think as we tell the truth -- especially the hard truths -- that our children learn to tell their truth as well. And the truths here are full of mother-love. Thanks for sharing.
I've got a feeling that you will help more people than you will ever know. Sending love....